Jen A. Miller Consulting

Category: The Single Diaries

Single Girl Reflection: What Defines Me

A guided reflection to begin answering the question “What defines me?”

PHOTO: S-tatement N-ecklaceS.

Writer. Marketing manager. Jen’s friend. I am proud to be associated with organizations and the central people in my life. When asked who we are, we tend to identify ourselves based on our relations. But what happens when you strip all of that away? What makes you uniquely you?

We’re nearing the end of January. 2014 is a time to rebuild, a time to strip away the excess and the toxic energy that holds us back and a time to refine our foundation based on who we are and what we believe in. Last year, many people started to question the existing systems that were governing their lives. People quit their jobs. People felt unfulfilled in their day to day. We set our resolutions for the year, but what can we do now to evolve into who we should be for the rest of our lives? I personally struggle with the question “What defines me?” so I’ve put together a list of questions inspired by various sources to break down this equivocal idea and make it more concrete for all of us.

I’ve found that it’s quite easy to embody the person you want to be. The challenge is to know who that person is. This exercise may be reminiscent of your college English Writing class, but the easiest way to delve in to these questions is to use stream of consciousness. Don’t get caught up in thinking too much about your answers. Just start.
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January 27, 2014
Why Does He Do That??

We’re looking for your most pressing dating questions!

“When he said it was over between us do you think he really meant it? Or, do you think he just wants to take a break?”

Ever found yourself asking this question or another about the guy you’re currently digging? Hopelessly wondering to yourself, why does he do that? It seems no matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to figure out the intricacies of the opposite sex. Our quest to understand their logic leaves us stumped and wishing we could decode the male species.

Research has proven that in fact men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so to speak. Our brains are simply wired differently and excel at different things. A recent study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine revealed that “female brains … facilitate emotional processing and the ability to infer others’ intentions in social interactions. Male brains, however, [have a] greater synergy between perception and action.” In a nutshell men are predisposed to action based on what they see and women tend to act more on what they feel and they context of a situation. As a result it can often seem that we speak a different language.

What’s a Single Girl to do with this information? Our habitual approach has been to try to make sense of the men in our lives. Unfortunately, we have learned the hard way that this is a battle we’re just not meant to win.

We asked ourselves, “why not take a different approach?” Why not confront the men and ask them the pressing questions we’re dying to know the answers to. Let’s go straight to the source to find out why they act the way they do and the logic that goes into decisions we just can’t make sense of (seriously, WHY did you disappear??).

In an informal test (i.e. one night at a bar), we informed a few strangers that we had a blog for quarter-life women. When we asked them to let us in on a few of their secrets the reaction we received was beyond our greatest expectation. The guys were thrilled to share and actually wanted us to get the word out to other girls about what to think about their behavior as well as what to do/not to do if you want to keep a guy’s interest.

Of course we don’t want to hog all of this valuable knowledge to ourselves. We want to share it with all of our exceptional readers. We also want to make sure you get to weigh-in with your most pressing questions for our team of guys.

For the next two-weeks we’re looking for you, our readers, to submit your questions about the opposite sex. Whatever is weighing on your mind, send it our way! Our expert panel will clue us in on the answers we’ve been craving.

Send all questions to leadingladies@toastmeetsjam.com or tweet them @SingleDiariesXO.

Come back in February to see your questions answered!

Superbly Single,
Jen

January 20, 2014
Should I Date Him?

Got a date lined up for the weekend and asking yourself, ‘should I date him’? Consider our pros and cons of potential mates.

My first boyfriend arrived on the scene when I was just four years old. His name was Timmy, and he was the irresistible redheaded son of my grandmother’s neighbor. Those who know me can attest that I’m currently dating a strawberry-blonde (though he refutes the red cast) so I like to think that even at a young age, I knew there was something pursuit-worthy about a man with a crimson mane.

The relationship ultimately fizzled when Timmy moved two blocks away. It was a decade until my second shot at a boyfriend came along. Since then I’ve found my way in and out of nearly two dozen relationships (length and significance spanning a wide spectrum), learned my way through a laundry list of different types of datable men, and finally found the man for me.

What I’ve discovered is that meeting the guy of your dreams could happen any number of ways. There’s no predicting if he’ll be a neighbor or a stranger and no way of determining with absolute certainty which holds better odds for long-lasting love. With that said, here are a few different types of dates I’ve personally encountered and what I’ve learned from each. Next time you find yourself asking “should I date him,” take these pros and cons into consideration!

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January 17, 2014
Looking for a Mentor?

Start by reassessing your definition of mentor.

Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

“I think I need a mentor.” How many of you have had that thought? It’s certainly a sticky idea that stays glued somewhere in the back of my mind, surfacing every so often in deep contemplation about my life and in conversations with girlfriends about the trajectory of our careers.

I’ve read countless articles about the importance of finding a mentor particularly for young women. We’re told we need this person to serve as a sounding board, a connector, and our guide through difficult life and career choices. As someone who’s recently detonated her own career foundation and begun to rebuild a new, I have without a doubt bought into the popular opinion and resolved that I do in fact need a mentor. It’s a resolution that has found its way onto my 2014 vision board and has been pulling its way to the front of my thoughts more often.

As any uber Type-A personally would, I’ve begun my quest for a mentor by doing my research and outlining a plan. I wanted to know what types of mentors I should seek, what qualities they should embody, and how I should go about asking someone to take on this significant role.

Most of my research lead me to the same place. Look for someone who is several ladder rungs up in your industry that is successful, well-connected, and embodies where you want to be in a few years. Then I came across something different, an approach to mentoring that stood out from the rest and particularly piqued my interest. It is called peer mentoring. (more…)

January 16, 2014
Let’s Get Physical: What to Wear To Your Workout

Rock these threads to your favorite workout and blast these tunes to keep sweating

PHOTO: Move Nourish Believe.

We’re officially halfway through January. How are you doing in your goal to live a healthier lifestyle? We all know how motivational it is to wear clothes that look great, so if you’re looking for that extra push you can stop here. Use these looks inspired by your favorite fitness classes to revive your workout wardrobe and get you excited to run out the door. Plus a refreshing playlist to get your heart beating and your blood flowing!
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January 15, 2014