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Jen A. Miller Consulting

Category: Reader Reveals

Reader’s Dating Stories

  • The 52-Week Challenge: One Reader’s Quest to be Superbly Single

    The 52-Week Challenge: One Reader’s Quest to be Superbly Single

    Serial monogamist Kristelle Siarza makes a promise to herself to stay single for one year.

    kris2

    Years ago when I heard Fergie’s “Clumsy,” part of the song caught my attention and made me immediately think of myself:

    You know this ain’t the first time this has happened to me
    This love sick thing.
    I like serious relationships, and uh
    A girl like me don’t stay single for long.
    ‘Cause every time a boyfriend and I break up
    My world is crushed and I’m all alone…
    The love bug crawls right back up and bites me, and I’m back.

    It has been ten years since I was last single: I was a 16-year-old at La Cueva High School, lonely after my move from the Bay Area to New Mexico. After that failed “high school sweetheart” relationship, the others fell in line one after the other with titles out of Carrie Bradshaw’s black book: “baby daddy,” “the Guatemalan,” and most recently, the “40-year-old.” All great relationships, all ending in heartbreak and tears.

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  • Lessons in Breaking Up

    Zoe Crook of The Uncuffed shares her lessons on ending relationships and why a break up can actually be a good thing.

    “The only thing you need to focus on is yourself, and I promise everything will fall into place.”

    breaking up

    Breaking up is like skydiving. Leading up to the jump you feel anxiety, uncertainty and fear. The moment the door opens you ask yourself, “What the fuck am I doing jumping out of a perfectly safe plane?!” Suddenly you want to take off your parachute, climb back in, and chomp on some complimentary nuts.

    But you don’t. Instead, you jump. Suddenly you’re free and it’s exhilarating. And look at that, you landed safely with both feet on the ground in a completely different place than where you started. Sure, you may have a scrape or two and your head might be spinning but those things heal, just like a broken heart.

    Whether you’re doing the breaking or you’re being broken, neither role is easy, and both people generally known deep down when the relationship has ended. What’s scary about a relationship ending is the unknown but even scarier is knowing that if you don’t jump you’re going to miss out on new experiences that are critical to your personal growth.

    I’ve just gone through a breakup of my own and come out on the other side better for it.  Though it has been an emotional roller coaster, I’ve figured out how to ride it out and want to share the lessons I’ve learned about moving on.

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  • Don’t Expect Me to Smile. Or Meow.

    Colleen Viana reflects on her experiences with catcalling and opens an important discussion about street harassment
    PHOTO: Ralph Crane.
    PHOTO: Ralph Crane.

     

    On any given day, there are three things I fear while walking the streets of New York City:

    1. Pigeons (better known as rats with wings)
    2. A sea of tourists (though less of a fear and more of an annoyance—if you work in SoHo on the weekends you’ll understand)
    3. Catcallers

     

    The inevitable “damn girl!” or “what’s up, beautiful?” while at first complimentary, is enough to ruin your walk to work, the bodega, the bars, or hell, even the laundromat. A shout-out to your derriere can even cause more frustration than those relentless pigeons, sadly. It wasn’t until recently that I started contemplating the pragmatics of these very uncomfortable situations. The other day, for instance, I had to stop myself from looking back to shout, “YOUR MOM’S CHEST HAIR” when asked “where did those luscious locks come from, sexy?” It’s a constant reminder to pick your battles; but when is enough, enough?

    There is no way to easily confront being sexually harassed; that is essentially what catcalling is, believe it or not. It’s a conversation that is easily avoidable, often uncomfortable in the same manner as experiencing it. They are not moments we wish to recount, yet it happens so often that this unhappened conversation needs to start happening.

    So here is my story about the first time I can recall being catcalled, and not liking it (but when do you, really?).
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