Jen A. Miller Consulting

Category: My Diaries

My personal dating stories

On Burning Out

Catherine shares the story of her wake-up call and tips on avoiding burn-out

PHOTO: JJ Jumoc-Casas.

A friend and I were talking about people’s different thresholds of “busy.” She has a full-time office job and teaches fitness classes 3 to 4 days a week. A colleague of mine has a full-time job, teaches an extracurricular class once a week, oh, and has a husband and four kids to care for. I attest my own desire to fill my days to my early training in elementary school. My mom had my sisters and me in after-school activities galore—from ballet to swimming, speed reading (an excuse for me to spend more time at the library) to student council. Once I left school for the real world, I felt the need to continue being “involved”… I became my high school alumni association’s class representative, joined my sorority’s alumni chapter and took on a leadership role, then found other ways to use my marketing knowledge by joining my sister’s company’s team part time and decided to get back into writing by launching The Single Diaries with Jen.

The only sure thing is that we have 24 hours in a day and, when you have an inflexible office job, you have to wake up at a certain time every morning. For someone like me who can stay up all night, it is a challenge to stay committed to a bedtime when I can find other things I want to do but didn’t have time to earlier in the day (write or edit a post, read a book, watch Melrose Place). There were evenings when after work I thought I could do it all: run off to an early barre class, stop by a book club meeting, then finish editing a post scheduled to go up the next day. Other days I had to make sacrifices. Instead of organizing a boozy brunch (one of my favorite pastimes), I committed to a Saturday work session at a local cafe.

Jen recently wrote about taking up a side hustle, which is great in the years after college when making money needs to be your priority to pay for student loans and to get your feet off the ground. In those years, most of us need to work a traditional full-time job to learn the value of a paycheck and to garner experience to build our resume. A side hustle is a way for you to find your passion and develop the skills you need to make your dreams a reality. But what happens when your full-time job and your side hustle leave you with little to no free time?

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April 25, 2014
Lessons in Online Dating From an OkCupid User

Lara Torii downloads us on what it’s really like to use dating site OkCupid and shares her online dating tips

PHOTO: Pinterest.

During a post-dinner group discussion on the landscape of modern dating, our college mentor and her husband admitted their fascination with 20-somethings and online dating. “When they were our age,” they met potential matches through friends, and the concept of online dating was completely foreign (despite the start of social media sites like MySpace and Asian Avenue). As the conversation continued, everyone weighed in on their personal experiences with dating sites and apps. Lara brought a unique perspective to the group as she’s a girl looking for girls on OkCupid. Here she gives The Single Diaries the ins and outs of her experience with the site, and offers her top tips for using OkCupid and for online dating.

I joined OkCupid last year while I was traveling in Asia. After being abroad for two years and a long-distance break-up, it was interesting to hear that online dating had somehow become trendy. Several friends told me they had good experiences with OkCupid, so I set up my profile. I didn’t intend to date anyone halfway around the world, but I was looking forward to slowly getting myself out in the dating world.

OkCupid (or OKC) is set up similarly to Facebook, which some may find to be a turn-off, but I didn’t let that faze me. I dutifully set up my “about” page, my photos, my details. Then there are the Questions. These Questions delve deeper into your habits, psyche and preferences. The Questions range in topic. How important are politics to you? Do you like to cuddle? What are you looking for in your next relationship? How often do you brush your teeth? After you answer each question, you can indicate what answers you will accept from potential matches and how important it is to you that they answer in that way. These questions and my answers are visible to other users under a tab on my profile.

When browisng other people’s profiles, they show you a compatibility percentage based on your answers. For example, I am 86% compatible with this girl, but only 45% compatible with this one. This function is helpful to narrow down the sheer volume of OKC users. It also means that OKC sends me personalized matches each week—another way to interact with the site without necessarily having to check in everyday.

After being on the site for a few months, here’s what I’ve learned from my experience on OKCupid… and what I recommend to anyone looking to start online dating.

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March 24, 2014
Single Girl Stays | ACE Hotel Downtown Los Angeles

Catherine reports on her experience at the ACE DTLA and shares tips on planning a “staycation”

PHOTO: Catherine Abalos.

I love everything about staying in hotels… fresh sheets, fresh towels, a mountain of fluffy pillows, the option to order food straight to your room, the free Bible. A couple years ago I made my first trip to Palm Springs and was introduced to the ACE Hotel. I was an immediate convert to the laidback, urban cool vibe of the compound and have considered visiting new cities in order to stay at the ACE. The ACE is purposely a little undone and can feel like glamping. I was fortunate to take refuge in my sister and brother-in-law’s room at the ACE when all of us were stranded in Manhattan after Sandy hit. When I heard that they were opening up in Downtown L.A., I vowed to book a night for some personal R&R. A staycation is a mini vacation from your life, without the inconvenience of leaving your town. A solo version should be purposeful and a way for you to invest in yourself.

A solo staycation has been on my to-do list for a long time. To have an immaculate suite to myself for one night (or more) to relax on thousand-count sheets is more luxurious to me than a day at the spa. However, when I mentioned my weekend plans to people, four times out of five their first response was to ask whom I was going with. For some, the idea of staying in a hotel by yourself for pleasure is comparable to eating alone at a restaurant or going to a movie theater alone. It sounds scary, you would feel judged, you may judge people who are doing it. When you find the courage to face your fear of being alone in any situation, you have the potential to liberate yourself from the constrictions of popular opinion and discover something new about yourself. One night away from my living space filled with material possessions and the figurative weight of the current ups and downs in my life gave me refreshing perspective.
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February 24, 2014
Single Girl Reflection: What Defines Me

A guided reflection to begin answering the question “What defines me?”

PHOTO: S-tatement N-ecklaceS.

Writer. Marketing manager. Jen’s friend. I am proud to be associated with organizations and the central people in my life. When asked who we are, we tend to identify ourselves based on our relations. But what happens when you strip all of that away? What makes you uniquely you?

We’re nearing the end of January. 2014 is a time to rebuild, a time to strip away the excess and the toxic energy that holds us back and a time to refine our foundation based on who we are and what we believe in. Last year, many people started to question the existing systems that were governing their lives. People quit their jobs. People felt unfulfilled in their day to day. We set our resolutions for the year, but what can we do now to evolve into who we should be for the rest of our lives? I personally struggle with the question “What defines me?” so I’ve put together a list of questions inspired by various sources to break down this equivocal idea and make it more concrete for all of us.

I’ve found that it’s quite easy to embody the person you want to be. The challenge is to know who that person is. This exercise may be reminiscent of your college English Writing class, but the easiest way to delve in to these questions is to use stream of consciousness. Don’t get caught up in thinking too much about your answers. Just start.
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January 27, 2014
Merry Christmas From Your Leading Ladies

After weeks of shopping, wrapping, preparation, and anticipation, Christmas is finally here. Jen and I are spending time with each of our families and enjoying much-needed R&R around beautiful Christmas trees and festively decorated dinner tables. Here is a peek at our holiday surroundings.

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December 25, 2013