Jen A. Miller Consulting

Category: Lessons Learned

Lessons in Online Dating From an OkCupid User

Lara Torii downloads us on what it’s really like to use dating site OkCupid and shares her online dating tips

PHOTO: Pinterest.

During a post-dinner group discussion on the landscape of modern dating, our college mentor and her husband admitted their fascination with 20-somethings and online dating. “When they were our age,” they met potential matches through friends, and the concept of online dating was completely foreign (despite the start of social media sites like MySpace and Asian Avenue). As the conversation continued, everyone weighed in on their personal experiences with dating sites and apps. Lara brought a unique perspective to the group as she’s a girl looking for girls on OkCupid. Here she gives The Single Diaries the ins and outs of her experience with the site, and offers her top tips for using OkCupid and for online dating.

I joined OkCupid last year while I was traveling in Asia. After being abroad for two years and a long-distance break-up, it was interesting to hear that online dating had somehow become trendy. Several friends told me they had good experiences with OkCupid, so I set up my profile. I didn’t intend to date anyone halfway around the world, but I was looking forward to slowly getting myself out in the dating world.

OkCupid (or OKC) is set up similarly to Facebook, which some may find to be a turn-off, but I didn’t let that faze me. I dutifully set up my “about” page, my photos, my details. Then there are the Questions. These Questions delve deeper into your habits, psyche and preferences. The Questions range in topic. How important are politics to you? Do you like to cuddle? What are you looking for in your next relationship? How often do you brush your teeth? After you answer each question, you can indicate what answers you will accept from potential matches and how important it is to you that they answer in that way. These questions and my answers are visible to other users under a tab on my profile.

When browisng other people’s profiles, they show you a compatibility percentage based on your answers. For example, I am 86% compatible with this girl, but only 45% compatible with this one. This function is helpful to narrow down the sheer volume of OKC users. It also means that OKC sends me personalized matches each week—another way to interact with the site without necessarily having to check in everyday.

After being on the site for a few months, here’s what I’ve learned from my experience on OKCupid… and what I recommend to anyone looking to start online dating.

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March 24, 2014
Single Girl Reads: Divergent

“Human beings as a whole cannot be good for long before the bad creeps back in and poisons us again.”

It’s a triology. It’s about a “dystopian” society that’s taken over Chicago… one that’s divided into organized groups based on human qualities that rule individual mentality: Abnegation (the selfless), Candor (the honest), Amity (the friendly), Erudite (the intellectuals), and Dauntless (the brave). Despite the outward similarities with the coming-of-age strong female lead and the ability of the protagonist to outwit the central dictatorship, The Hunger Games this is not. With a slow start and elementary literary features, Divergent lacks the depth that attracted me to The Hunger Games. With that said, I did enjoy the read and am looking forward to the release of the film starring Shailene Woodley next Friday, March 21st. Don’t let the 487 pages scare you; you can finish the novel in the next week if you start this weekend!

At the age of 16, every citizen takes an aptitude test that reveals to them where their qualities will help them most succeed in their society. Each citizen considers their results and at the Choosing Ceremony publicly declares where their mind and heart has led them. Many choose to stay within their own faction, but others choose to “abandon” their families and the ideals they were raised to uphold and switch to another. Any decision to leave is often seen as a betrayal to their family and to their faction, and they believe that you can never return home afterward. Each 16-year-old becomes an initiate that goes through a process of training into the new ideals of their adulthood and sometimes new faction before they undergo a test that accepts them into their new faction… or doesn’t.

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March 14, 2014
Mondays Don’t Have to Suck | A Guide to Weekday Activities

Catherine’s guide to weekdays activities and a more socially rewarding work week

PHOTO: Courtesy of Pinterest.

A couple months ago I shared my suggestions on how to craft the perfect weekend, but I am not one to live for the weekends. A couple years into joining the workforce, I came to terms with the fact that living for two days a week was a waste of 5/7 of my 20s (and 30s and 40s). Plus in a car-culture commuter city like L.A., you can go an entire day, week, month without encountering anyone you don’t work with. To compensate for the fact that I have to work for a living (that’s how I buy things…), I make a point of incorporating something to look forward to every day of the week. There are the obvious happy hour and dinner dates or the daily work-out sessions, but there are other ways to have fun without messing with your routine productivity. Here are five of my favorite not-so-obvious choices of weekday activities to break up your work week.

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March 13, 2014
10 Ways To Get Over Heartbreak in 1 Day

Superbly Single Girl Monique Shares Her Advice for Healing a Heartbreak

I thought the weeks after we broke up would be terrible, lonely, and sad. Instead, I created an experiment to test how quickly I could get over him.

Photo Courtesy of Femcafe

I once had a friend tell me, “I like getting dumped. At least it means I tried.”

I met a guy, I tried, and I got dumped. I really liked this guy. I never once thought he wouldn’t want to make things work with me. I was crying. I had to get on a flight home. I sat there in the airport terminal dreading the emotions I was going to have to suffer through until I got over him. Disappointment. Loneliness. Confusion. Sadness. More crying. Then I thought “STOP.” I don’t want to suffer through that. I want my life to be happy. And I created a plan. I called it “How I’m Going To Get Over Heartbreak In 1 Day.”

I chose “1 Day” because I didn’t think he deserved to take any more than 1 day of happiness out of my life. Life is short. I don’t want to waste it being unhappy. I have to protect my happiness. If I lose it, I have to get it back as quickly as possible.

So these are the 10 things I did to “Get Over Heartbreak in 1 Day”…

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March 5, 2014
Single Girl Stays | ACE Hotel Downtown Los Angeles

Catherine reports on her experience at the ACE DTLA and shares tips on planning a “staycation”

PHOTO: Catherine Abalos.

I love everything about staying in hotels… fresh sheets, fresh towels, a mountain of fluffy pillows, the option to order food straight to your room, the free Bible. A couple years ago I made my first trip to Palm Springs and was introduced to the ACE Hotel. I was an immediate convert to the laidback, urban cool vibe of the compound and have considered visiting new cities in order to stay at the ACE. The ACE is purposely a little undone and can feel like glamping. I was fortunate to take refuge in my sister and brother-in-law’s room at the ACE when all of us were stranded in Manhattan after Sandy hit. When I heard that they were opening up in Downtown L.A., I vowed to book a night for some personal R&R. A staycation is a mini vacation from your life, without the inconvenience of leaving your town. A solo version should be purposeful and a way for you to invest in yourself.

A solo staycation has been on my to-do list for a long time. To have an immaculate suite to myself for one night (or more) to relax on thousand-count sheets is more luxurious to me than a day at the spa. However, when I mentioned my weekend plans to people, four times out of five their first response was to ask whom I was going with. For some, the idea of staying in a hotel by yourself for pleasure is comparable to eating alone at a restaurant or going to a movie theater alone. It sounds scary, you would feel judged, you may judge people who are doing it. When you find the courage to face your fear of being alone in any situation, you have the potential to liberate yourself from the constrictions of popular opinion and discover something new about yourself. One night away from my living space filled with material possessions and the figurative weight of the current ups and downs in my life gave me refreshing perspective.
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February 24, 2014