Part 1 of 2: Staying close with friends and family when you’ve moved away
Category: Inspiration
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I’ll Never Be the Same
How her volunteer experience has taught Lara Torii to live intentionally and fall in love
When I started my first year of volunteer service three years ago in NYC, I was excited that I could continue to wear my fabulous pair of alligator green vintage boots. One of my program’s tenets is simplicity, but no one considered me frivolous for continuing to wear my best clothes to work. After all, my placement, which served runaway and homeless youth, was in Chelsea.
Now, what seems like a lifetime later, I’m sitting in my single bed in a volunteer house on the edge of rural northeast Thailand. All I can hear outside are insects singing. Nowadays, my wardrobe mainly consists of t-shirts and loose elephant pants. I have about nine outfits that I’ve rotated for two years. But just as I loved putting together outfits for my days in Manhattan, I love the simplicity of my wardrobe here.
But I’m not here to talk about how my personal look has changed the last three years (though I do love talking about my hair, so perhaps that will be a topic for another entry). This outer transformation is simply an insight into the bigger transformation within. It all happened because I decided, from day one, to live each moment deeply.
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A Single Girl’s View on Learning to Embrace Fear
Lessons from the Barre
I started taking dance classes at the ripe age of four. I remember putting my ballet shoes in my pink bag, pulling on my leotard, and being so excited to get to class. I also remember the butterflies I would get as my mom’s car took its spot in the parking lot each week. By the time she walked me through the door to the studio I would be in full-fledged panic mode, too afraid to step onto the dance floor.
Week after week this cycle of excitement crashing into fear would recur. Each time my mom would hold my hand, walk me into class, and take her spot at the ballet barre next to me. She stood by me, urging me on, and refusing to let my fear get the best of me. She did this until I finally learned to take my place at the barre alone. Before long I not only learned to overcome my fear but had actually learned to love every dance class, parade, and competition.
Deciding to Launch
I think back on that time in our first few weeks of launching The Single Diaries. All those years ago my mom had taught me a valuable lesson in embracing my fear. As we pliéd side by side, she showed me that tackling fear doesn’t have to be done alone. She also made me recognize the value we can bring to each other simply by showing our support.
For nearly one year I thought about launching the site before I took any action. While I was thrilled by the idea of creating a space where I could connect with like-minded ladies, the thought of going public with my personal stories was (is) intimidating. In my heart I knew it was what I wanted to do but my fear of failure held me back.
It was my mom’s lessons that ultimately got me over that fear. I started to share the idea with friends (like Catherine!) and got their feedback to push forward. Once again I was reminded that when you surround yourself with good people they are there to support and strengthen you, not to tear you down.
There were many reasons for starting The Single Diaries but sharing this lesson – the true value in building amazing friendships with other aspiring women- ranks at the top of the list.
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Healing Through Vinyasa
Recovering from a break-up and feeling lost, yoga—which had always made her feel alive and free—was the answer for one “single” girl.
PHOTO: Samatone Yoga. The Break Up
Last summer I needed something to help me become me again. I had just ended a relationship with the guy who was everything I wanted, and I felt empty. I walked into the studio sad and lonely, and mad at myself for being sad and lonely. It was a broken relationship, but I felt responsible…
“When did it break?” “Why did he break it?” “Was I the reason it broke?”
I came to realize that getting over the brokenness was the easy part; healing myself was much harder. Doing yoga during that time was the only thing I had to get me focused on what was important: looking inward.
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Definition of the Single Girl
Redefining “single” for a new generation of leading ladies.
PHOTO: CATHERINE ABALOS.
Every group of girlfriends has the quintessential single friend. That’s me. I thought I’d have a boyfriend by the end of high school but by the middle of college I was still single-little-me. At that point, I went full throttle into single mode. I threw myself into school and extracurricular activities, studied abroad, and fostered new friendships.
This lifestyle served particularly well after I graduated and found that I was seemingly the last woman standing in L.A. amongst my college friends. Essentially, I had to start over in a city I’d lived in for four years; a place I was comfortable in was suddenly strange and unfamiliar.
While any strange place has the potential to ice a gal into loneliness, if you can embrace the newness and look inward you can turn any strange place into a home. With years of experience under my belt, I faced the obstacle of reclaiming L.A. head-on.
