Jen A. Miller Consulting

Category: Inner Circle

Another Year Single

Catherine shares 5 ways she’s grown in being single

PHOTO: Tara Freese.

A year ago, I wrote about the benefits of investing in yourself as a single girl. A year later, I’m still single! We talk about being superbly single, but we’ve stressed the status to include all independent women. Today I want to delve deeper in actually being single, unattached, not in a relationship. As I’ve mentioned before, I have never had a serious boyfriend. So if you’re looking for an expert at being single, I am that.

When I share my status out loud, or I make a joke like “How is this girl still single?” or “Wouldn’t it be funny if I’m the next cousin to get married?” even if I’m the only cousin who isn’t dating anyone, it may seem like self-deprecation to save face before someone reminds me that I’ll “meet the right person when it’s time”… but truly I’m proud of my eternal singlehood. Of course, like anyone else, I have my moments of freaking out about turning 40 and not being married. But for the most part, I’m happy with the choices I’ve made for myself.

I’ve reflected on and written about many revelations I encountered the past year in regard to living in the moment and finding the message in every obstacle. Starting The Single Diaries has pushed me to live superbly single, consciously and unconsciously. It’s been a year of growth: I recognized unhappiness in my life and came face to face with it. I spent time trying to remedy discontentment with more side projects, more social outings, more play when what I really needed was complete quiet.

Among those remedies to try to increase the fun and counter the stress was online dating in the form of fun and easy apps. What I learned from my short stint of serial dating was what we all know but don’t acknowledge: For those of us who desire monogamy and marriage, dating is a way to audition or interview to find the “right” partner. It’s also a way for us to understand what we want and merely who we are as individuals.

Sure, there are lessons I have yet to learn from being in a committed relationship, but I think there are just as many in learning how to be alone. Here are the ones that have been most important to my personal growth.

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September 5, 2014
Everybody Say Hey, (Happy Birthday) Ms. Carter

On Beyoncé’s Birthday, 10 lessons from her live performances

PHOTO: Time.com.

Today Beyoncé turns 33. We know from many stars before (i.e. Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, Gwen Stefani) that if you work your pound cake hard enough, you’ll only get better with age. A month ago, I attended the On the Run tour when it made its final stop in San Francisco. I made a concerted effort to avoid any spoilers (as if the show was one of my favorite murder mystery shows… i.e. one with a villain named A), but I knew I was in for a treat.

Mr. and Mrs. Carter set up shop at the home of the Giants, AT&T Park. The energy was palpable walking in; we have watched countless Giants games, but no one had attended a concert there before. No one knew what to expect. The crowd was grabbing pre-show beers, scarfing down some kind of sustenance to soak in the alcohol, hurrying to their seats, chatting uncontrollably.

Then the lights dimmed. Everyone stopped talking. Everyone got on their feet. There were maybe two occasions when the crowd sat down, and it definitely wasn’t during “Forever Young” (Justin Timberlake who? Just kidding. I love JT, but Bey brought new swag to the song) when the entire stadium lit up with 50,000 cell phone lights.

Nothing else mattered while we were gathered together for Jay and Bey. Their technically perfect performance left us wanting nothing more than to savor those two and a half hours. We left changed. But what does that mean really? Let me tell you. In honor of the Queen Bey’s birthday, here are 10 lessons I realized from her live performances, both at On The Run and at that insane spectacular at the MTV Video Music Awards.

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September 4, 2014
All Hail Our Single Girls
A Shout Out to Our Amazing Contributors, Our Single Girls

As we celebrate 1 year of The Single Diaries we would be remiss not to recognize the Single Girls who have contributed to the making of this site. From our long-time friends to friends whom we’ve recently met, there are nearly 50 amazing women whose talents make up these pages.

The posts that they have contributed are as varied as the women themselves. Some have shared their advice through original articles. Others have let us tap their talents for an interview. While still others have shared their words of wisdom for posts Catherine and I have put together.

No matter the method, the result remains the same. We are always inspired by their passion, ability, and fortitude. We’ve:
- Learned from their adventures in romance.
- Explored the world through their travels.
- Gotten to know the cities they call home.
- Been motivated by their pursuits.
Needless to say, we think our Single Girls rock.

A few weeks ago one of our contributors introduced me to a dinner party game called “I’m a badass because…”. Everyone around the table was asked to share what personal accomplishments she was most proud of. I had two immediate reactions when our host initiated the game- fear and appreciation. Fear because I, like many of us, am not comfortable tooting my own horn. Appreciation, for having a friend that was pushing this group of girls not only to cheer for one another but also for themselves.

When I thought about the best way to recognize The Single Diaries contributors I could think of no better idea than to carry forward this game and allow each girl the chance to express what she is most proud. See what they had to say-

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August 27, 2014
12 Months a Single Girl | Our Manifesto Revealed

Happy 1st Anniversary to The Single Diaries!

A year ago, Jen and I launched The Single Diaries. We first tested the idea on our closest circle of friends several months before that. When we saw that our message resonated with them we knew we had the support to keep reaching.

As we commit to year 2, we unveil our manifesto… the words we live by, the summary of our work, the mission we strive to carry out post by post. Twelve months flew by, so we simply want to say Thank You. Thank you for reading, for supporting our stories, and for inspiring us to leap. Every. Single. Day.

We have big plans for our second year and can’t wait to share them with you as they unfold. Until then, read on for a look back at our favorite moments from the first year of living our mission, and share your favorites with us too.

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August 25, 2014
Single Girl Reads | The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything

9 reasons you need to read James Martin, S.J.’s Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Anything

When Jen and I were developing the idea for The Single Diaries, we agreed that our main focus would be on relationships: romantic, platonic, familial, but most importantly the one with self. One major life influence for each of us is spirituality, and it may be for many of you as well. Regardless of your self-described religion or spirituality, I highly recommend The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything as a way to incorporate that part of your identity into real life. This book is applicable to anyone looking to deepen their spirituality, regardless of their main belief system. As Martin S.J. states, “Just as there are insights from Zen Buddhism that are useful to me as a Christian, so there are practices and techniques from Ignatian spirituality that can help the Zen Buddhist. And the person who is Jewish or Muslim, too. Anyone can use these practices to better his or her life” (393).

In Twenty-Seven | What I’ve Learned This Far, I cited this particular book as a wonderful starting point for anyone looking to reflect and deepen their knowledge of themselves on this level. I tend to read books with a pencil in hand, but this one is impossible to get through without one. It took me a really long time to get through it, not because it was uninteresting… on the contrary, while the material James Martin S.J. covers is dense and requires a lot of reflection and processing, he writes in true Jesuit fashion making the teachings of St. Ignatius accessible for all with more than a few moments of real laugh-out-loud humor. Whether your goal is to get to deepen your sense of self, learn more about St. Ignatius and his friends, or get a better understanding of Jesuit teachings, here are 9 points that Martin, S.J. makes… and my arguments for why you should pick up a copy and start the trek through this book today, if not sooner.

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August 22, 2014