Serial monogamist Kristelle Siarza made a promise to herself to stay single for one year. Read on to find out how she did.
On October 22, 2013 I crossed unfamiliar territory. I became a single woman, moved out of my ex’s house, and decided to write a piece on this fabulous blog to challenge myself to remain single. When I had mentioned the piece to friends and family, they all gave me the same response: “Yeah, good luck with that.” My ex even laughed in my face about it.
Well, ladies, I am happy to report that I failed. I dated a few times, made some promiscuous decisions, broke a few hearts and accidentally met the perfect guy.
Although I didn’t stay unattached, I did accomplish my mission to be superbly single.
Moving in with my boyfriend was a HUGE decision but one that came surprisingly easy for the two of us. Alex and I have been dating over 7 years, with two small breaks in there. We’ve talked about living together for several years, but it never felt right so we always chose to wait.
I pride myself on my independence. Since I went through my quarter-life crisis a few years ago, I worked extremely hard to redefine myself by joining several organizations, making quality friends, and starting a new career path. I thought by living together I would lose my individuality, miss out on seeing my friends, and give up what I love doing most. I was surprisingly wrong.
Alex asked me to “live together” rather than “with him.” Many may not see a difference, but to me, it was an important distinction. To be comfortable moving in together, the act had to be done together and the decision about where to live had to be ours. We worked together to choose which furniture and decorations we were keeping so that our space was a blend of our personalities—for example, he got to keep his sports bobble head collection and me? I got to keep my owl collection.
I value a well-rounded life, and I was worried that by living with Alex, my life would be too focused on “home”… that I wouldn’t have enough time for friends or activities I love. Instead, we find a balance: on nights he’s out with the boys, I can choose to have a girls’ night, attend my favorite yoga class, or finish reading the latest book on my list.
Alex and I are big on communication and find that many conflicts can be avoided with a conversation, so we chose to talk about our concerns before living together. Since I’m a list-maker, I pulled together a list of things to discuss before taking the leap that might also be helpful for you to consider when you are ready to take this step in your relationship.
Catherine shares 5 ways she’s grown in being single
PHOTO: Tara Freese.
A year ago, I wrote about the benefits of investing in yourself as a single girl. A year later, I’m still single! We talk about being superbly single, but we’ve stressed the status to include all independent women. Today I want to delve deeper in actually being single, unattached, not in a relationship. As I’ve mentioned before, I have never had a serious boyfriend. So if you’re looking for an expert at being single, I am that.
When I share my status out loud, or I make a joke like “How is this girl still single?” or “Wouldn’t it be funny if I’m the next cousin to get married?” even if I’m the only cousin who isn’t dating anyone, it may seem like self-deprecation to save face before someone reminds me that I’ll “meet the right person when it’s time”… but truly I’m proud of my eternal singlehood. Of course, like anyone else, I have my moments of freaking out about turning 40 and not being married. But for the most part, I’m happy with the choices I’ve made for myself.
I’ve reflected on and written about many revelations I encountered the past year in regard to living in the moment and finding the message in every obstacle. Starting The Single Diaries has pushed me to live superbly single, consciously and unconsciously. It’s been a year of growth: I recognized unhappiness in my life and came face to face with it. I spent time trying to remedy discontentment with more side projects, more social outings, more play when what I really needed was complete quiet.
Among those remedies to try to increase the fun and counter the stress was online dating in the form of fun and easy apps. What I learned from my short stint of serial dating was what we all know but don’t acknowledge: For those of us who desire monogamy and marriage, dating is a way to audition or interview to find the “right” partner. It’s also a way for us to understand what we want and merely who we are as individuals.
Sure, there are lessons I have yet to learn from being in a committed relationship, but I think there are just as many in learning how to be alone. Here are the ones that have been most important to my personal growth.
There I was just a-walkin’ down the street singin’ do-wah diddy… I locked eyes with a cute stranger for a full 45 seconds then continued on my merry way without looking back. A simple “hello” in that situation would’ve sufficed to save myself 24 hours of shoulda coulda woulda. I’m a firm believer in things working out as they should, so there is no real loss here… only a lesson in taking a chance when the opportunity presents itself.
It’s tough enough to put yourself out there in a social situation. What more when you’re in a public place that isn’t natural for opening up to conversation? As with most things, practice makes perfect. Especially if you aren’t one to strike up a conversation with just anyone, start small. (more…)
The guy who comes up from behind and starts dancing without warning. The guy who thinks a sexist comment or an insult is a great conversation opener. The guy who thinks that making eye contact with you means he’s your boyfriend. We’ve all experienced our fair share of creeps at the bars. That said, during a passionate conversation with a friend of a friend, I found myself defending the general population of guys at bars. After all, my guy friends—most of whom are nice, respectable and respectful gentlemen—go to bars, and I would bet that yours do too. They’re not all creeps! Once you change your perception and open your eyes, you may surprise yourself at what’s right in front of you. Here is a guide to bar etiquette. Turning down a date does not have to be insulting; in fact, if you do it right you may even impress another eligible date nearby.
